What characteristic or trait do you look for in a romantic partner? Is it a nice body, good hair, someone you can hold a meaningful conversation with, or simply someone who can accept you for who you are? We all have a sense, or a general idea of what we want out of a relationship – or maybe we can even say, our own agenda.
Whether it’s physical or goes beyond that, this trait can be a conscious or subconscious individual agenda. For example, “I want to be in a relationship where I am the dominant one, and she/he submits to me!” That’s an agenda, albeit a very poor one. For obvious reasons this agenda will vary and it could be something simple, such as, “I’m just looking to be loved or to love.” Basically, we all search and get into relationships with our own agenda in mind.
Staying on the subject of looking for love, love is the one of the most universal concepts for relationships. Think about it, what is the number one thing we look for when getting into a relationship? It’s love; and it doesn’t even need to be a romantic relationship, it could even be a platonic relationship.
While love is a great agenda to have, it’s not the main one that should be focused on; the main agenda that should be sought is interdependence. That, ladies and gents, is being able or to rely on each other, without becoming completely dependent on the other person.
Levels of Dependence
According to Stephen R. Covey, the author of The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, there are 3 levels of maturity which are good traits to have in a relationship. Those 3 levels are:
- Dependent
- Independent
- Interdependent
Interdependence is the highest form of maturity. This is the agenda of all agendas to aim for, and not just because of the maturity factor. When you have interdependence, a bunch of other goodies follow with it: love, respect, honesty, commitment, loyalty, a healthy relationship, reliability, and more. Now this not only becomes a personal agenda, it becomes a team effort. However, this won’t work if only one person is making an effort.
Why is it important to reach this stage?
Although it may take many years, it’s important to get to this stage because not many relationships nowadays get a chance of daylight to reach this point. Often we lose interest. Whatever the reason may be, whatever obstacles get in our way, we sometimes fail to get to that big diamond-studded goose-egg known as interdependence. Since interdependence is highly important, it brings us to the trait that every relationship should have or at least be aware of.
The trait every relationship should have
Once we do reach that brightly lit stage of interdependence, we are ready to give. What do I mean by that? I am talking about giving. One of the sole purposes of living for many is to help one another and to give to one another. What’s the point of having it all if you can’t share it with anyone?
When we reach interdependence, we share what we have learned with those who want the knowledge that we possess. Of course, you don’t necessarily have to go out and start telling everything you know to everyone, nor do I recommend doing so. No one likes listening to advice they didn’t ask for.
It may seem strange, but once we reach interdependence and our relationships flourish and are vibrant, those who are in need of guidance are going to show up and ask for help. It may be a friend or a family member, or maybe the guy who lives in a van down by the river. But when that opportunity presents itself, take action.
We now know what we have to do, and that’s to give.
